Saturday in the park we were having a great time visiting with our friends. I was engaging with a group of young men, joking around having a good time, and then I screwed up. Earlier one of the older gentlemen had given me a pack of cigs that I put in my pocket. From time to time our friends will give me something and no matter what it is I never refuse, in their way they feel like they are giving back and if I say no, they feel like their gift is not good enough. Anyway, I was standing there talking to this group of young men. When one of them wanted a cigarette, remembering the pack in my pocket, I meant to ask “Do any of you Guys want one of these?” what came out of my mouth was “Do any of you People want one of these.”
Now you have to understand that this group of guys have been a group that were always coming down to eat, but would grab a plate and then high tail it back to the far picnic bench to continue drinking and doing their drugs, never wanting anymore from us than a plate of food. About a month ago this all changed. They started coming over, getting their food then hanging out and talking. Then came the “can I have a hug before I leave.” Now when they show up, they bee line it strait over and let you know they are there and always want you to hug and love on them……you almost can’t get rid of them now…LOL.
Well after my screwed up comment, one of them jokingly asked what I meant by “You People, I thought we were all the same down here?” I tried to explain that it was not my intention to say that and I would never think of them as “You people.” I apologized and asked if they would forgive me. They said they knew what I meant and that I considered them like family, that they were just giving me a hard time.
It went deeper for me though. It still bothers me that I could have with one slip of the tongue and with one word destroyed the relationship that has been built with these young men. In no way do I ever want to hurt them or make them feel like they are different. With one word you can build up or you can destroy and my heartaches at the thought that I could have in spit second inflicted more pain into lives that were already hurting. I love my friends with a passion I cannot explain and I pray that I never have one of those “I screwed up moments again!”
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5 comments:
i think your new friends already know your heart and you're probably being much harder on yourself then they are or ever will be.
i suspect your relationships here will be just fine and they'll move on without much of a bump in the road.
Dents have a way of popping out to become again good as new.
If my friends without houses abandoned me at my every misstep I'd have no friends at all.
I love you, Denie.
I think they judge you by your actions, not your words.
you are amazing denie and your love outshines your missteps like everybody else here has already pointed out.
i miss you! wish we lived closer. i think about you often.
my mom flies in tomorrow for the holiday. she might help us serve this sunday for the homepdx fifth sunday. imagine! that would be amazing to have my mom and my daughter side by side - and me, too! - three generations of first born daughters serving our friends in Portland. Pray for her that she'll be curious enough to join us! I'll let you know how it goes!
Shallow water...I know my relationship with them will be fine, it just hurts to think I may have hurt them.
Ken....Love you back, much more than you know!!!
Lou your right. They have always looked at our actions more than our words....think of you alot, hope you are doing okay!
Pam, I miss you too. I really do hope your mom joins you down at HomePDX, I think she will enjoy it more than she knows. Wish I could be there to help all of you....give everyone a big hug for me though!
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