Just A Nobody

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This blog was started to share the journey of what God has called me to do, serve our friends whithout homes. A long the way it has also become part of my journey as well.

Monday, February 27, 2012


I was not conceived out of love, but out of a need of a high. She sold her body for a quick fix and in that moment the miracle of life began to form in her body. At the same moment that miracle started, I also started fighting, fighting to survive the poison that ran thru her veins. For nine months I fought to enter this world, maybe even then I had hope of a bright future.
Even after I arrived I fought to survive. She stayed clean long enough to give birth, not for my sake but for hers, for if they found drugs in her or me she would have been take in to jail and I would have been put in foster care. You see I was her meal ticket. She brought me home and she seemed to be overjoyed to have me in her life, even then I had hope she would give me a good life.
As time pasted the poison she once craved came calling again and I saw less and less of her. I would cry out in hunger, for need to be taken care of and in need of love. She had to make a choice and one day she laid me down and walked away. Alone and scared I cried out for someone, anyone to come to my rescue. Someone came, I don’t know whom, but I found myself in a home that seemed nice. I had hope that this is where I could be happy, safe and loved.
This home instead was a place of neglect and abuse. I was a monthly check for them and was left to fend for myself, again alone and on my own. As I grew older I would find myself more and more wandering the streets, looking for a place to belong, someone to care and a hope for a brighter future.
I never found any of that on the streets. I found more hurt, pain, loneliness and an escape from the world that I had once hoped in. I found the demon, the poison that ran thru my mother’s veins. The sweet release of the pain of this world, transporting me to a place with no worries, no pain and the numbness that blocked out the need for companionship or love. So now I follow in her footsteps, I sell my body to acquire a few moments of being released from this world, a few moments of feeling warm and a few moments of being transported to a place where the world seems like not such a painful place to be. A place where I forget about my hopes, hopes that in time will fade.
I now spend my days wandering the streets, trying to stay numb, trying to survive. Funny that this is how I started my life, poison running thru me, fighting to survive and this is how my life will end also. I am once again discarded, not looked upon, treated like the trash that you put out on the side of the road, this time discarded by the world. I spend my days watching you and there are times when I still have that hope I once had. Now it is a hope that one day you will see me for who I am, what I could have been and for the special person I am, but most of all I hope that one day you will look me in the eyes and tell me I matter and I am loved.

All the torment, struggles, pain and abuse I went thru all my life would be worth it if you could just tell me I have worth. When I close my eyes and take my last breath and find myself sitting at the feet of our creator, I want to look up into his eyes and with a smile on my face, I want to tell him of the wonderful person who extended a kind word, put their arms around me and for once in my life told me I had worth, but most of all showed me I was loved. I hope you are the person I will speak to him about. I will be waiting here for you to show me were I can find hope once again. You can’t miss me, there are many of us and we are all around you, you just need open eyes to see us and a loving heart to love us.
A street friend

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Taking a lesson from a friend

I just got off work today. Was complaining to myself about how tired I was and all I wanted to do was go home and lay on the couch, but needed to stop and get gas and pick up a few things at the store.
I got my gas and turned the corner to drive into the parking lot of the store and on the corner was our friend from the park. This is his corner and can be found there almost everyday. He flies a sign, but instead of taking money he prefers to work for what he gets. An older gentleman, his eyesight fading, but he has the gentlest soul about him. As I passed I waved and when he didn’t respond I remembered he couldn’t see that far and would have not know that I waved at him.
As I got out of my truck and headed into the store, he was also making his way in as well. I called out his name and caught up with him. As we walked in the store together I asked how he was doing and as usual he tells me fine, but I can see in his face that all is not well.
“So tell me what is wrong my fiend “ I said to him.

He tells me that it has been 41 months and as not had a problem until now. I didn’t understand the 41 months part and asked him to explain. He has been camping out for 41 months along the river and yesterday the police found his camp. They came thru his camp and dumped everything in the river. Everything this man owned was tossed out like trash.
I was stunned to hear this and even more stunned that this man will have to endure the cold weather with nothing to protect him from the elements. I asked what I could do for him. He said he can get a sleeping bag, but could use a new tent. I told him I would see what I could do.
He said he was grateful for the help, but told me that he was not worried and then went on to tell me that he was not upset about it. He said, “look I still have my health, I can still see somewhat, I have good friends who care about me and I have the good Lord looking after me, what more do I need. God will provide what I need.”
I looked at this man who stood before me with nothing and I mean nothing and he still was in a good mood and was smiling. Ten minutes before I was complaining to myself about being tired and wanting to go home to my warm house.

My friend stands in the bitter cold looking for someone to offer him work and he will probably spend all day outside just to receive a few bucks to make through to the next day. After spending his day doing this he then will spend the rest of his evening camped along the river trying to survive the night, just to get up and do it all over again. The next time you complain about having to get up and go to work or having to take care of the house you live in, remember our friend and remember how truly blessed you are.
By the way…if you have a tent we can give him, let me know.