Just A Nobody

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This blog was started to share the journey of what God has called me to do, serve our friends whithout homes. A long the way it has also become part of my journey as well.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Who's time schedule

I look in his crystal blue eyes that now sparkle with a bit of joy in them and think back to when I first met him. I don’t want to say I was afraid of him, but I was uneasy with the anger that he would bring to the park. I would see him coming and honestly I would want to run the other way. He would always show up so drunk that most of the time he couldn’t stand for very long and most often would end up sprawled out and passed out. I will not go into detail the things he would say in anger as he went thru the line, but you can get the idea.

I didn’t know how to deal with him and honestly would ask God at times to please don’t make me deal with this man. I know it wasn’t right, but I was so unnerved every time I was around him. Each time I was told in response to just keep loving him. So I would make it a point to approach him smile and ask how he is doing and if there is anything I could get him or help him with. Each response from him was a response of anger and basically a get out of my face attitude. I would smile, telling to have a nice day and as I walked away I would say I love you. He would mumble something not nice and I would pretend I didn’t hear it.

We went back and forth like this for the past year now and about four or five months ago I approached him again along with his friends. Expecting the same response as always, but this time he stood up, got in my face, raised his voice and asked why? Why do you care, why do you keep telling me you love me, why do you waste your time on me?

This time he didn’t unnerve me and something rose up in me, I stood my ground with him, looked him in the eyes and I have to say I raised my voice to him. Not in anger and not something I normally do with our friends. But as he stood there with his friends I told him of the beautiful person God created, the worth and value that God saw him and the love he has for him. I then told him that he could continue to bad mouth me, direct his anger at me, do what he want to drive me away, but I wasn’t going anywhere and most of all he could never make me stop loving him or the others there in the park. It got quiet and they just stood there no one moved, I looked them all in the face and told them to have a nice day and remember, “I love you” and walked away.

A few weeks later here comes my friend again, but this time he held his head down as he walked thru the line, said hello and walked off. A little later I turned to get something out of one of totes and sitting directly behind me was my friend. I about jumped out of my skin, totally expecting him to go off on me, but he ate and then left. Each week I would notice that he would be eating his meal closer hanging out and each week I would do and say what the Lord asked me to say to him. Then as he stood one day with a few other men and with his head hanging he asked “What you keep telling me is it true?” Oh sweetheart you have no idea the love we have for you and we could never love you as much as God loves you. He looked up at me with tears in his eyes, which made me start to cry as well. Not too much was said after that, but something happened, something I can’t explain. Each week he now shows up, his head lifted a little higher, a smile on his face, he sits close by and drinks a lot less when he comes down. I make it a point to put my arms around him, hug him tightly and never leave without telling him he is loved. God is changing him from the inside out; He is working on the heart.

Why am I telling you about my friend? I am learning and being changed as well. What we do in the park has been a lesson on the heart of God for me. It is also a lesson in waiting or having patience. We live in a world where we want everything fast and now, even results we want to see immediate results and the Lord just doesn’t work that way. He is loving and patient. God has been working on this man’s heart and continues to work on his heart, but it has been a yearlong struggle with him. I struggle that to be honest I wanted to walk away from. I am being honest because we all have those people in our lives that you just don’t know how to get thru to them and you just want to walk away and move on to the next, but God doesn’t work that way. He waits never turning away always working on the heart. We don’t always see the work that God is doing and we shouldn’t be in too much of a rush to throw in the towel. There are those who are immediately changed by the love of God and then there are those who will need a little more time, maybe years…but we need to learn that no one is worth giving up on. We need to be at peace knowing that God is in control and he is working on his time schedule not ours.

Friday, June 11, 2010


I have always been fascinated with the lotus flower and recently have had this picture in my head to draw. As I started drawing, a song from a cd Ashley gave me kept going thru my head. “Beauty for Ashes” by Steven Curtis Chapman, he sings how beauty will rise from the ashes and we will dance among the ruins.

Then I thought of the lotus flower. It starts its life beneath the water in the murky mud, struggling to make its way thru the mud always searching upward to the light. When it finally breaks through the surface and finds the light, it blossoms and becomes a beautiful flower.

Much like our own lives, some have found the light and others are still looking and searching for it. May we all breakthrough and find the light that brings us beauty and life.

Monday, June 7, 2010

I did it

I walked in Corpus (the shelter) today. As I entered I noticed her across the room, she smiled and locked eyes with me. I went to talk to her, but was stopped by someone wanting to talk for a minute. As we talked I could see her standing patiently waiting with that look on her face. I have seen that look many times and it means something was up and someone needs to be heard.

I finally made it over to her and asked her what was up. She then beamed with the most excited smile on her face. She made a decision to try and get her GED and had passed the first four tests. Something she thought she would never achieve.

After speaking to her I walk over to the new education center they have and was met by one of the young men who joins us in the park. “See what I got,” he says. There displayed on the wall was a certificate showing that he had completed schooling to be a firefighter, the kind that goes around the country fighting wild fires.

After telling me their wonderful news,they would slightly lower their heads and wait for your reaction. I felt as if they were waiting for a bomb to be dropped on them. Then I had to remember that some, no matter how hard they tried, they were told they weren’t good enough, had no worth and would become nothing. Was this what they were waiting to hear? Well not this time.

I thought it was a privilege that they would share such wonderful news with me and I smiled with excitement, I felt like a proud mama. The kids were taking the next step and I couldn’t have been more proud of them. She then went on to speak of how she would like to go to college and he spoke of all he had to go thru to get his certificate and what life was going to be like soon. The world had knocked them down, but for right now they are holding their heads high, they are learning that they are more than what the world says they are and they have a dream for the future. I am so unbelievably happy for them.

As I was leaving a passed a gentleman I had never seen before and he asked, “Is this where the smart people are? They say I am dumb and I came in here to see if I can get some help.” I went from excitement to heart break in a matter of seconds. But it’s okay because sweet man you don’t know it yet, but you are going to get to know what a beautiful person God created you to be. I will be praying for you and I know in my heart God is going to touch you in ways you don’t know, I could see it all over you today.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I wear my sunglasses at night

No I don’t wear my sunglasses at night! It’s just when I was trying to figure out what to call this blog that song popped in my head.

So why are we talking about sunglasses? Well I have noticed from time to time with our friends in the park that when you switch things up, it throws things out of whack. Consistency and trust with our friends is a big deal and is a big part of forming a relationship with them.

I realized when we changed big things, like in the past the time and location, etc. these things took them time to get use to and readjust to as well. But it is the little things that I never thought would make a difference that really have bugged some of our friends.

Little things like, one time Tonya decided to wear her camo pants to the park. She wears them often, but had never worn them down there and when she did it really bugged them. Her daughter Ashley use to wear a big floppy hat every week and then something happened to it, so she began to wear a different one and this bothered them so much that one of them went out and got her another floppy hat.

A few weeks ago I wore my sunglasses at the park and was told they don’t like it when I wear them. They say they look like cop sunglasses and they can’t see my eyes. So the sunglasses I can understand (they are mirrored), it reminds them of the police, but not being able seeing my eyes I wondered if it went further than that. When speaking to them if they can’t see my eyes then they don’t know if I am really looking at them and they don’t know if I am really paying attention to what they are saying. So I will try to remember to not wear my sunglass there…I always want to look eye-to-eye with someone. I want them to see in my eyes that when they are upset I care, when they are hurting my heart hurts for them and when I tell them I love them I want them to see it not just hear it.

So that brings us back to the Camo pants and Hat………still can’t figure this one out. If anyone has any insight......inquiring minds want to know!